


If Only in My Dreams

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Family, Romance, Winter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-13
Updated: 2017-12-13
Packaged: 2019-02-14 03:44:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12999129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: She suddenly remembered that Noah woke her in the middle of the night to announce there would be no school and he wanted pancakes. Was she single in the middle of the night? OK, that was surely the strangest question Liv ever asked herself.





	If Only in My Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> Liv just started talking to me so I went with it.
> 
> Happy belated birthday, Ashlee.

“Mom? Mom?”

Olivia opened her eyes when she felt the insistent poking of her five year old. What was going on? She rubbed her eyes but it didn’t improve her vision. Noah looked like a static blob. The older she got, the blinder she got.

“What's wrong?” she asked. Her voice sounded far away in her ears.

“We’re getting so much snow there's no school tomorrow. We can make pancakes.”

“How do you know that?”

“I saw it on TV.” He replied.

“You shouldn’t be watching TV, you're supposed to be in bed. You have school in the morning.”

“I'm going now. Goodnight, mom.”

“Noah,” Liv rubbed her eyes again and looked for her son, except he wasn’t there. How did he walk away so fast? The room was dark but Liv’s eyes has mostly adjusted. Even as a blob, she should've seen the blob walking away. “Noah?”

Sighing, Liv threw the covers back. It took a little time but she sat up in bed. She needed to check on Noah. Why had he been watching TV instead of sleeping? She needed to get up and make sure he was alright. Liv needed to get up and…why was she getting up? She needed to do something. 

But who needed to do anything at this hour? Liv was sure that she didn’t have to use the bathroom. She needed to lie down and get some sleep. She groaned, falling over onto her pillow, and pulling her legs back onto the bed. Liv grabbed the covers. She threw them over her shoulders and let sleep come for her.

***

Something was burning. At first Liv thought she was dreaming but it was quite real. She jumped out of bed, rushing out of her room, down the hall, and into the kitchen.

“Noah! Oh my god, Noah, what's on fire?”

“Huh?” Noah came out of his bedroom and looked at his mother as if she had three heads.

“What's burning?”

“We didn’t mean to wake you, baby. The griddle got hotter than expected and the grease test made smoke. I pulled the detector so it wouldn’t wake you and half the neighbors. I wanted happy smells to wake you.”

“What?” Liv looked at him with wide brown eyes. She wasn’t sure of the look on her face but if Ed’s look was a response it had to be wild.

“Dad’s making pancakes! Noah exclaimed. “He said I could have whatever I wanted since I don’t have school ever again.”

“Not ever again, bud,” Ed smiled. “But surely not for the rest of the week since it’s still snowing.”

“What?” Liv ran her hands over her face.

“Olivia, are you alright?”

“I…maybe I…”

She stepped back a little; decided to turn around and start this all over again. Her feet got confused about which way they were going and she stumbled to the side. Liv threw out her hand to keep her shoulder from slamming into the wall. Ed rushed over to keep her steady.

“Hey, hey, are you alright?”

“I um…”

“Liv?” he held her, pressing his lips to her forehead. The gesture was for two reasons; it always calmed her and he was checking to see if her forehead was clammy. A clammy forehead was one of the first symptoms of an oncoming panic attack.

“I jumped up too fast.” She mumbled, holding onto him and deeply inhaling his scent. It felt like forever since she'd smelled him. “I smelled fire, jumped up worried about Noah. My adrenaline was rushing and I'm coming down now. I just need some room to breathe.”

“Are you sure?” Ed asked.

“Mmm hmm,” Liv nodded and extracted herself from his arms. “Let me just…I'm going to catch my breath. I’ll take a shower and feel better.”

“OK.”

“Mom, are you OK?” Noah asked.

“I'm fine, sweetheart. You and um, you and dad make pancakes. I'm going to shower.”

Noah nodded. Liv looked at Ed for a moment before turning and walking back to her bedroom. OK, what the hell was going on? Ed Tucker was in her kitchen making pancakes. Noah called Ed dad. That was Ed Tucker, right? 

It looked like Ed, my God it smelled like Ed. It had been some time since she felt him but Liv was sure she would never forget what Ed felt like. The man in her kitchen was Ed Tucker. But it didn’t make sense; she had to be dreaming. She pinched herself but didn’t wake up. Liv slapped herself, which hurt, but she was still standing in the middle of her bedroom floor. 

Going over to her window, Liv looked out at the snow. It had been snowing since yesterday afternoon. New York City was likely to get nearly 24 hours of the heavy stuff, leaving almost two feet on the ground before the storm moved up the coast. It was snowing last night when she was single and Noah had no dad. She suddenly remembered that Noah woke her in the middle of the night to announce there would be no school and he wanted pancakes. Was she single in the middle of the night? OK, that was surely the strangest question Liv ever asked herself. 

Sitting down on the messy bed, Liv grabbed the pillow and smelled it. It smelled like Ed. Goddamn, that man really smelled good. She had to figure out what was going on. There might be a simple way to solve this, so simple it might have been her first thought had she not been confronted by her ex-lover making breakfast in her kitchen this morning. 

Liv scooted over on the bed and took her phone from the nightstand. The date was December 14th, it was just after 9am. She opened her contacts, saw the second name, and swiped her finger across it. The ringing went on forever; Liv was afraid she might have to leave a voicemail. She could hear herself now, ‘ _have you ever woken to your ex making pancakes in your kitchen? What's the protocol for that_?’

“Hey.” His voice was rather bubbly considering the hour. 

“I'm going to ask you a really strange question but I need you to go with the flow and answer as best you can.”

“Alright, shoot.” Rafael said.

“You hardly sound frazzled by the prospect. Why are you not frazzled?”

“I think you might be frazzled enough for the both of us right now. What's going on?”

“What's going on with Ed Tucker and I?” Liv asked.

“How do you mean?”

“What are we to each other right now? Why is he making pancakes in my kitchen?”

“Are you alright? Did you bump your head or injure yourself in any way? I know the weather is horrendous but Ed would carry you on his back to the ER if you needed him to.”

“Rafael, would you just answer me? Please. You promised to go with the flow here. Why would Ed carry me to the ER?”

“Because he's fuckin crazy about you, that’s why. The man would take a bullet for you and Noah. I just never saw him as that kind of guy. He's still a badass but you two turn him into a total softie. Love does that; I speak from experience.”

“You need to answer my original question. What is going on with Ed and I?”

“I'm not sure how to answer it. You haven’t mentioned anything to me lately.”

“Did we break up back in January? Even for a little while?” she asked.

“No, I don’t think so.”

“You and Trevor are married, right?”

“Yes.”

“Are Ed and I married?”

“You should be but you’ve been putting it off. And I promise I'm not judging you, I know that you're worried.”

“About what?” Liv asked, her voice cracking.

“Everything.” Rafael replied.

“Do you care to be more specific? I need vital information.”

“Well…”

“Hey, baby,” Ed knocked softly on the door before sticking his head into the bedroom. “I'm just checking on you. Do you want some pancakes?”

“Come in here, Ed, and close the door.” Liv went back to the phone. “I will call you back later, I promise.”

“Alright. Get some rest, Liv. I'm glad you're taking some time off from the squad; you need to relax.”

She ended the call, put the phone down, and looked at Ed. His face was calm and content.

“Are you alright?” he asked.

“Ed, do you love me?”

“Of course I love you. Do you love me?”

“I've never stopped.” Liv shook her head.

“Tell me what has you so troubled.” Ed sat down on the bed beside her. Liv shivered when he took hold of her hands. Then he kissed them.

“I think waking up and smelling smoke this morning just scared the hell out of me. For a moment I felt like I was in a dream I've had before. When I wake up from that dream, I'm alone.”

“Where are Noah and I?”

“Noah is in his room. But you…”

“Liv, that sounds like a bad dream. I'm here, and you're not going to wake up alone.”

“I've pushed you away countless times.” The tears came and even though she hated them, Liv let them fall anyway. “I love you, but sometimes I talk myself out of good things. I thought I lost you.”

“No,” Ed shook his head. “You didn’t lose me. You have a fear that nothing good can last. I wish I could strike that fear from your soul, but I can't. I can stay with you. We hit a rough spot earlier this year and I wasn’t sure we would get past it. It hurt like hell. But we did. We’re good and this is going to last. Guess what?”

“What?” Liv sniffed. She wiped her face but still held onto one of Ed’s hands.

“Noah and Nina were on walky-talky this morning coordinating their own play date. Amy said it was fine for him to come up, watch movies, and make pizza with them. We’re going to be alone for at least 3 hours, possibly more.”

“You're a smart man, Captain Tucker, I'm sure you already have an afternoon of bliss planned.”

“Well, it has been a little while.” Ed smiled. “No pressure, never baby, but I know that work has been stressing you. Taking time off until after the new year to focus on family was a big move for you. I want you to have a good time.”

“Our bliss has always been a good time.” Liv managed to smile. She had no idea what was happening but couldn’t pretend that it didn’t feel wondrous being close to him again. Not a single feeling had changed. The man still made her breathless.

“I love you, Livvie.” He kissed her nose. “I better get back out there; our young one is being too quiet.”

“Kiss me first.” She practically whispered it.

“You want a kiss.” Ed leaned in close to her. He was grinning.

“Yes.”

“What's the magic word?” he teased, nuzzling his nose against hers.

“C'mere, Captain.”

Liv wrapped her arms around him, unable to help the moan that escaped her diaphragm when his lips finally touched hers. It felt like forever but the spark was still there. The fuse was lit; fire spreading through Liv’s body at an inferno’s pace. She knew that Ed felt it too. It wasn’t easy for a man to grin and have his tongue in her mouth. Her man was multi-talented.

“Dad! Dad!” Noah rushed into the room without knocking. “Dad, can I have another pancake? I promise I'm not full yet.”

“Are you sure about that?” Ed asked, slowly pulling his lips away from Olivia’s. The look of absolute joy on her face made him want to kiss her again.

“Really, really sure. Just one more pancake…please.”

“Alright. Liv, do you want pancakes?”

“That sounds great. We can pick up where we left off a little later.”

“Absolutely.” Ed smiled, getting up from the bed and walking out of the room with Noah.

Liv put her hand on her chest and exhaled. Her heart was beating too fast; she needed to slow it down. Picking up her phone again, she dialed Rafael one more time.

“Hey. Are you alright?”

“I know this is strange and I can't help that, but you have to tell me whatever you know about Ed and I. Whatever I told you over the years, tell it back to me. If I told you something last week…”

“This is strange.” Rafael grumbled.

“This is important, Barba. I woke up this morning to Ed making pancakes in my kitchen and Noah calling him dad. When I went to bed last night we had been broken up for nearly a year.”

“What are you talking about? You said you didn’t bump your head; this sounds like you bumped your head.”

“Please just tell me everything you know…the condensed version.”

“Can I start by saying you kept it from me like a deep, dark secret for the longest, which I never understood? Well I understood but I didn’t like it. I suspected something was going on but you and I had to have a big fight before it all came out…”

***


End file.
